Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
