You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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