just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
