was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
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Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
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I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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