then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
