we'll go far in life on tits alone.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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