Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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