My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
