shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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