i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize