So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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