They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
