ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
