just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
