i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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