So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
