New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
