i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
