Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
