evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
