time to smoke my breakfast
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
