I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
