dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
