i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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