I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
