He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
