Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Randomize
