R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
