After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
