yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
