I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
