matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
