I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
