Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I have already put on my inside pants.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
