His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I need to sanitize my soul.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
