i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
