How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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