We're facebook friends in real life
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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