If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
