last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
