All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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