i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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