Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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