Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
