I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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