nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
