u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
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Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
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On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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