What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
