Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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