I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
