So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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