Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
