She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My ass is underappreciated
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
