he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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