Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
