I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
