I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
