before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
