Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
