Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
