Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
soo... how was my night?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
