I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
