At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
