It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
