I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
