i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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