he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
