i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
