You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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