Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
