he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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