If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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