My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
