Ambien. No doubt about it.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
