Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
