I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
