god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
